“Helen sent my first event list back with eight questions in the margin. Irritating. Also the first time our Android and iOS names matched.”
Flagship · 6 weeks
Product Telemetry Studio
For people who already open an analytics product on Monday morning and are tired of events named after last year’s campaign. Informational fee £1,890. No checkout on this site.
What you will be able to do
- Write an event definition a new engineer can implement without a follow-up call.
- Choose retention and adoption windows and explain the trade-off in writing.
- Run a pre-release instrumentation review with a punch-list, not a slide of screenshots.
- Brief a leadership meeting using three claims, each with a denominator.
We assume basic SQL (select, where, group by) and prior time in Mixpanel, Amplitude, GA4, or a similar tool. We do not teach those tools from a blank screen.
Modules
Event grammar
Objects, actions, and properties. Why “button_clicked” is a confession, not a name.
Identity and stitching
Anonymous to known, multi-device caution, and when not to stitch at all.
Funnels without theatre
Ordered steps, exclusion logic, and the honesty of a completion rate under 40%.
Cohorts and seasonality
Acquisition weeks, delayed value, and mixed platform noise.
Release instrumentation
A live review of a feature you shipped or will ship in the next sprint.
The Monday brief
A one-page narrative used in an internal meeting, marked by the tutor.
Tutor
Helen Marlowe
Helen spent a decade in product analytics inside two consumer apps and a B2B workflow tool, then began marking briefs at Appvertexhub in 2019. She is particular about denominators and unimpressed by dashboards that cannot answer “compared with what?”
Sessions are held in English, with optional office hours from the Whitecroft rooms. Helen will not rewrite your entire tracking plan; she will refuse a definition that cannot be implemented as written.
Informational fees
£1,890 studio seat, six weeks
Includes six live seminars, written marks on three assignments, and one instrumentation review. Travel to Whitecroft is not included. This page does not take payment.
Questions we actually get
What will you not cover?
We will not teach you to build a customer data platform, to model a warehouse from scratch, or to write production ingestion jobs. If your events never land, that is an engineering conversation we can name, not a module we can finish for you.
How much time each week?
Plan for three hours of seminar and four to six hours of homework on your own product. People who try to use a fictional app fall behind by week three.
Is there a certificate?
You receive a letter of completion if all three assignments are marked. It is a studio letter, not an accredited qualification.
From people who sat the studio
★★★★☆ · “The identity module assumed we had a stable user id. We did not. I spent a week on stitching I had hoped to skip.”